Sunshine!! :D

I’ve had my happy pill for the day aft like eons!!!

Remember and trust me wen i say… u’re that lil strip of rainbow in my world. SO KEEP THAT SMILE UP!!

spare me…

Its a saturday… exactly a week b4 the mock. My revision status… *blank*. Every night i sleep with a promise that tmr morning Mr Mojo will be back. Unfortunately, he is as always a disappointment.

All of us at home… are not really up to our best… flu, revision and all..Dad had to absolutely choose today of all days to invite 15 guests for dinner. Cooking for them is a freakshow!! We feel like a kid anticipating a report card at this point. damn damn damn! i am totally not up for guest-sitting tonight. NO WAY! *point* nvr marry a guy who has a habit of inviting people over w/o warning.

I woke up with a particular scene in my head. Probably one of my worst fears. It was a boy. Perhaps 8 yrs old wearing uniform. White and Blue.. Undone buttons.. shorts crumpled and with signs of mud… bag badly in need of replacement… hanging loosely over his shoulders. He was walking back from sch… reaching his block… White and one boring dirty green stripe across the block… Towards a dumpster… Not a single living thing ard… but it didnt matter… he swung himself up the stairwell… a really dirty one.. with loads of vulgar writings and spittles … he didnt notice it at all for he was busy humming his favourite tune and fiddling his pocket for his keys. Walked down the corridor and reach a long old gate.. biege coloured and paint peeling off… he twisted the keys and it opened… Everything was dark.. noone was home. One table and one chair.. with one silver plate.. all empty.  The darkness embraced him… and even though his innards cringed… he kept his face straight…. it was the only thing he called home. Or so he was told. *blink*

I woke up. I didnt want to…

but i didnt dare go back to sleep either.

Love’s overated.. and friendship’s underated

Ok so i am officially 23 now… not the best of no.s to fancy … haha! the no. 23 has alot of.. hm… haha!  Birthday came… and passed like it was nothing much… The only significant part to it is the morning walks with jacky n his new fan. I always thought that my walks with jacky was my ME time… and under other circumstances i’d be pissed if anyone tried to intrude. But an old friend simply made his presence w/o even asking… like he was meant to be ard! haha… TRuth is… really… it generally kicks off my day rather well… to see jacky enjoying his co. a joy!

An unlikely acquaintance bloomed despite the awkwardness.

Over the week… I’ve been thinking… more like dealing with… not really dilemma… but.. just searching the line…

between friendship and watever more… or watever else… It a relieving to know… what exactly u want to be to a person the moment u hang out with him/her… be it right or wrong… its never grey like it used to be… part of the growing up process i think. or maybe its cos.. i have other plans..

Which reminds me… My day of judgement is nearing.. the CFA exam… if i fail… i’d probably be one of those dried meat for sale by jan.  Seriously… as the day passes … i feel like i might just bunk it… and sometimes i might just scrap thru..but definitely not flying colours…  The more i study the more depressed i get… the more i Qn the reason for this whole thing…. Its getting tougher by the minute … to remind myself… of the sequence as to how this HAS TO WORK!

Then i realize…  wat i do now… may just not be enough and *poof* everything reels out of grasp… there goes my life… my sleep. I’d be dead beat tired… and desperate to be left alone…. and  squeeze my eyes shut away from everything… only to be disturbed by the loudest of noises… my very own fluttering heart. bitch. What do i wake up to at this rate? a wet face creased with all the curses i mumble under my breath and the sounds of oblivion in the hall … I paste a freaking smile… bid the goodbyes and i’m back to sqaure one… to fend against the rest of the empty day.

So dont blame me when i tell… how the stupidest of things make my day. Somthing’s running out… watever it is… i need it.

 

The will to live.

How long more… b4 it gets normal?

Ok.. wait… is there such a thing?

I was gona blog alot more. But i lost it.

i’m not asking for answers.

Just don make it too difficult for me to get to them…

Hello people, been long.

NewS: Pushpa aka Pam aka *other explicit names* has opened a new blog. And i have linked her.

I was rather surprised that she has started her own blog. She usually was nvr the type who believed in truely expressing ur thoughts and emotions openly. She was a more… need-to-know basis kinda a person. Although it sometimes annoys me cos it leaves me guessing… its something i admire in her. It is but one of the many things i admire abt her. If i had half the strength she has… i’d be… whoa! Speaking of her… she and i went for a sambal stingray last night. It has been eons since i really went out with her that way. Mst of the time… i end up slacking/sleeping at her place. A spontaneous quality time… i wana do again. As for e sambal stingray…. Shiok i tell u. There is a small Hawker centre opposite Bras Bersah Complex. They have a veg stall there… darn good. A must must try. Their mock meat dishes taste like the real thing. I looove their tomyam fried rice.

CFA’s mock exam is on the 14 th nov. My revn is moving rapidly… but i have no idea how its gg to turn out. Hopefully i do well and not too well so that i am better prepared for the real one on the 6th Dec. Freaking  6 hrs… god bless me with the stamina. Although there is a 2 hr break half way, i heard that fatigue sets in and the frustration tempts u to whack the answers unless u no them damn well.

SPending my time alone here at home has helped me think alot about wat I really need or want. What really affects me and wats actually important to me. Many times i have wished to have some time alone.. and i never had. Now i do… and its like cold turkey. U know u are feeling cleared… but the emptiness drives u up. I also learned one more thing… a day spent wastefully flies in a blink… and a day spent fruitfully lasts reeeaaally long.  I also learn to put a stop and break the rules here and there. Its an essential to keep myself undull haha if there is such a word.  how and wat i do … remains  secret. i’ll leve it to ur imagination…

No matter where you are in life… or how high up u are… remember wat you were once before that. The mistakes u did will continue to haunt you… Face it and take pride in it. Cos it takes a person with a clear conscience today… to feel that way. Yes…  i havent been the most goody of gals when i was yger. I have my secrets too. I dont think there is any one person who completely knows everything abt me. Which is sad. Anyways, I’d rather make those mistakes then … wen i cld afford to… than to do so now. Although its not obvious… I know karma is still getting back at me for it or thats wat i tell myself. I couldnt think up any other excuse for all that is gg on. Although i feel bad… that all this is happening .. i dont regret anything. I’m just waiting for the accounts to balance up. Right after, I know that a clean slate’s on the way… and i have already started fresh. This time… even if things go wrong… i no i wont take a sad look behind.

my bro is getting comical… thats news

He recently got himself a car. Like finally!!! its a Hyundai Avante Sport. Ok i am not too well versed with cars… i is a typical accountant la.

So we were discussing about getting a pooja done for the new vehicle and realised that we need a kutti vinayagar for dashboard.

So the conv went like this:

Bro: Hey i saw my friend who has a subaru … put his pillayar facing outside. Howcome we put it the other way?

Me: I don’t no… Does it matter? What ever deems fit for us la. As long as we have one after all the pooja in the car i guess.

Bro: Then might as well i put it at the back right? Since most of the accidents happen from the rear.

-_-

கனவினில் பூதிடும் பூக்களை கைகளால் பறித்திட முடியுமா?

Damn you! 4 making me think as hard as i do…

&

Thank you! 4 reminding me of my priorities…

வெளியே சொல்லா ரகசியமாய்…
என் நென்ஜில் உறுத்துகிராய் நீ…

You are like my music. 

30 policies that Azzy believes in….

1. Your things your rules.keep everything as neat/messy as you want it to be. Choose whats to be neat and whats to be messy.
2. Stash your phone in an out-of-sight corner. Forget about it for days till u feel like it.
3. When you are not sleepy, wake up your dog and kiss his clueless face silly.
4. Take your dreams/nightmares seriously, they tell stories about you.
5. If you wake up cursing, chances are you’ll be cursing just as much the rest of the day.
6. If you can’t enjoy something, enjoy watching others enjoying it.
7. Talk to yourself. It’ll be most amusing of conversations you would’ve ever had.
8. Dress up when u meet that best GF of yours and dress down when u meet that guy.
9. Watch romantic movies, get touched by it and say “BULLSHIT!!” before you turn it off.
10. Whisper all your secrets into your dog’s ears
11. Read fantasy novels like the rest of the world is not for real and don’t stop till you are done.
12. When you miss someone… ignore them
13. When you hate someone… walk up to them and talk to them in the most friendly manner that you can.
14. When you love someone… be their everything but don’t give them your everything
15. When you are happy… smile secretly
16. When you are sad… shed one good tear and merry around like it never mattered
17. When someone curses you… smile and say “I LOVE U TOO!”
18. A girl without secrets is nonexistent
19. Take care of yourself. Every-single-bit-of-yourself.
20. Miss any appointment except those that you have with yourself
21. Dare to dream. Cos even if it doesnt happen, it still happened in your head.
22. When you hold someone dear to your heart, what you feel for them is sacred. So DONT be too generous about showing it them.
23. Gaurd your heart but care not too much for life itself.
24. Induldge on a timely basis in inexpensive ways.
25. Do not deny yourself the little ways to earn your bliss. Its your right.
26. You are your best advisor, critic, friend and lover.
27. Life without a routine is a ruckus but a routine without a life kills.
28. Your conscience speaks only when u dare to listen.
29. Speak when u have nothing much to say. Hush when you’ve got too much to say.
30. It is well within your right to make mistakes, but it is your duty to be responsible for it.

Call me crazy, but it works for me.

dressing to work…

and not to a party.. or a sleepover!!

There once i was at awe when i saw the commuter in the subway of New York. Good god, the way they walked along the wall street. Damn how i wished i was one of ‘em. Those mink coats, trench coats, the hells and well cut and freshly ironed shirts and ties… good god. It was then that I noticed that the best way to get a gist of the dressing sense of the localites is to travel. MRTs, buses, Subways etc. Here in Singapore, there are the extremes. haha… a mix of so many. from the Korean pop to devil wears prada kind of styles. My focus for today’s post wld be dressing to work… in Singapore’s context. How u dress to work really depends on what kind of industry in work in actually. If  u work in fashion, entertainment or high end retail biz… u might have a slightly diff set of dressing sense compared to the rest. Being a boring ole accountant…. obviously u shld no by now where i am headin to.

Executive appointments with/within companies with service based or products businesses require a certain stature in a person. Not just qualifications and experience… that is just the entry. After that, its all about you. How u talk, how u carry yourself, how you smile, ur default expression, your various other expressions, your writing style, your “personalized” table and chair and last but not least the morning ramp walk. Actually, wat you wear is about the only thing that differs on a daily basis when u work.

1. What u wear is what u will be at work. Dressing exudes the kind of impression u want to create.If you want people to take u seriously and not like some random intern, then dress like a serious person. simple. Avoid looking like caberet show star on a day job or a half melted piece of candyfloss. If you do so, dont blame the office people if all they expect out of u is to look pretty … and nothing else. i.e a bimbo.
2. Dress according to your age, if u are a freshy u can be a tad bold about the clothing you wear. A lil fashion sense does show some confidence.  Careful not to over do it, or you will be an eye sore. And if you are a senior employee… pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaasssssseeeeeeeeeee dress like one. mini skirts and tanks with those webbed limbs … like street vendor!!!! u seem to fit in the environment better during lunch in the food court then in the office.
3. comb your freaking hair! i no its tiring to have late night and OTs the day b4 only to have another early day to work but coming to work looking like wreck doesnt show a hardworking person. it shows a person with low stamina.
4. Wear make up thats easy on others’ eyes. Loud, colourful bold make up is NOT eye catching. Its INTIMIDATING. I mean if you plan to date or party right aft u KO, adjust your make up then la. Why the hell come to work like a party animal?
5. Heels. U wear from the mrt to the office… then from the office and back. in between… slippers? eh… defeats the whole purpose right? if u cant stand to wear it thru the day… then DONT WEAR IT to work! there are loads of suitable flats for formal wear. buy ‘em
6. Guys please pay attention to wats below your waist. Do not ever ever wear light coloured pants or shoes to work! they are not part of the formal gang la. wat were u thinking eh.
7. And guys… tapered pants are stylish but gives an amateurish look (not so formal). In no time you have all the aunties in the office flashing their most “charming” smiles and asking you for photocopy, and coffee favors.
8. Emo rock and Koren pop style has never been and never will be part of office wear. Don’t even try! Mind you, its your work place and not a therapy centre to express yourself freely. So priority is to dress according to the job than your mood and character. Remember, that from 8 to 5 you are a reflection of your job, not wat you feel. Noone cares for your emotion or your style as much as they care for the job done.
9. Skimpy clothing is a big no no. It can be disrespectful to you and the rest around you. A rise in the the height of the slit aint gona give you the pay rise. Boss wld be more than happy to keep the preeeeeeetty lil you just where u are , all the more you are right within his reach as always. So, forget the promotions also.
10. Keep the accessories simple and sweet. Trust me, I’m pretty sure your workplace can afford their own Christmas tree.
11. Friday dress downs. Most offices allow their employees to dress down on fridays. That day u are to still maintain a smart casual look. Its crazy to let your hair down totally and walk in like a rock star or like a day to the market.
12. Last but not least, dress confidently, hold ur head up and smile when u enter those doors. Cos that smile is the highlight of ur daily ramp walk.

OK ppl thats it actually. I need to reserve the rest of my brain cells for my CFA class later on. It requires some really hardcore frying for three hours straight. And on the side note… i failed my TP. hoho! well the good news is i didnt spend my luck there… better off else where. *winkz* Well well, there’s always the next time for Azzy.

slowly but surely
Azzy waits.

BLiSs…

is to love without fear…

as i was walking along orchard road yesterday i realized that someday i want to love and be loved like we couldnt care less for the world.

aint happenin for real anyways, so why not dream of it?

I watched “up” yesterday… i must say that its the darnest movie i’ve watched lately. Its a must to watch. really.